World views

Lord, why is it as I get older, I seem to have less answers.  My freedom in some ways seems less, or perhaps it has always been this way.  I feel unreal, rootless in some ways, though not in all.  I often wonder why I even write, if it is not just the ramblings of an old fool, who just has a gift for putting words together, but in the end mean nothing?  For after I have written something I wonder if that is really me at all. 

I seem at an impasse, or perhaps it is really a crossroads, with a really long light. I have no idea, or so it seems at times.  My faith is deep and strong, yet I feel without it, on any feeling level. Not in the way of loosing something, it just seems to have sunken deeper and I don't always know what to do about it.  My trust is there, even if it seems Lord, you are not. Strange that, your absence experienced as a form of presence, my roots strong in dry soil.  At times weighed down by simply who I am, yet in silence, hidden you sustain me.  People ask me what grace is, my response is often, everything is, a gift, for everyone.  Life, breathe, food, sex, warmth, love, and yes all the crap that also comes with our lives, also a gift.  Not all gifts are pleasant, their effect not seen until much later; of course the rub is faith is needed to see that.  Another choice, at least for me, others, well it is not place to say one thing or another.  I just trust.

I know that beliefs are defining, but what is it I actually believe?  Can I believe in more than one thing?  Can these beliefs be contradictory at times?  Do I not believe in some of the things I say I do, and not know it?  Am I afraid that if I look too deeply I will find nothing?  While I find atheism more absurd than belief in God, why do I believe at all?  Yet I do.  It seems that I live in a universe that only allows lots of questions, but no definite answers, at least not in the ultimate answers department.  Though there are plenty of people who will tell me otherwise, be they believers or not.  Many people seem to have really strong beliefs, with the need to draw a line, take a stand, and stop thinking along certain lines, though a lot of depth can be mined that way.   I have my own corridor of beliefs that I have chosen to develop, which of course closes other avenues of looking at reality from my experience.  True I can study them, learn from them, but only as an outsider.  As a Christian, I interrupt reality with that lens, with all of it symbols, metaphors that the scriptures allow me to digest.  I treasure my faith, yet I still seek along other lines, though I know a final answer will not come to light.

World views are based on some kind of faith, for to have a world view that is integrated, the often thoughtful views and insights of others may need to be ignored, or bracketed as false, or even dangerous.   Which of course can cause no amount of trouble for all involved; for it is rare for real listening and a desire for understanding to be present in most debates, or even in dialogues which I have been privy to.

 I believe that we choose those that we give authority to.  Books are chosen to digest, articles read that help to firm a certain outlook on life, for believers their scriptures play a major role if they are devout.  Others, perhaps the so called ‘freethinkers' will do the same, for study is needed to deepen ones world view.  It is necessary I guess, for growth into insight.  The problem is that it closes off the understanding of others.  That is the way it is in this life, something gained, something lost.  There is always a price.

I have learned however not too really ‘care' what others believe.  I have found that saves me a great deal of trouble, for there are many who seem to think that the thoughts and beliefs of others can be changed, which in my experience does not happen.  No matter how good the augment seems, or how loud one shouts, it does no good.  Now seeds can be planted, but they have to be cultivated, which means that one has to choose to give a certain amount of authority of other ways of thinking, which includes books etc.  Each world view has its own rational, making sense to the one holding them, but to outsider, it is often nonsense.

I think a lot of "straw men" are created because of that.  They are called ‘stereotypes', usually of the more insulting variety, used by just about everyone for outsiders, making fools of themselves in the process.  I have done it many times, and will probably do it in the future, though the occurrences are getting much less than when I was younger.  I find it amazing when others tell me what I think or believe, and then they expect me to agree with them on it!  I suppose a lot of trouble will be sidestepped with a little study of the opposing side, but I guess that will not happen.  Or if it is done, literature is only read from the point of view of an outsider, so that it not real study at all, at least not in any meaningful sense of the word. Sort of like reading ‘Chick publishers' to learn about the catholic faith; does not come even close.  So it is easy to see how that might be done, even if on a little more sophisticated level by others to debase, or misrepresent, other world views, be they political or religious and yes secular.

Also when two opposing belief systems meet, the worst is brought out in both sides much of the time.  Normally nice, rational people, become screaming holler monkeys, jumping up and down on their different branches, just shirking at each other with arguments that sort of take on a life of their own and convince no one. 

Being human I am of course writing about myself, for I have been one of the screaming monkeys from time to time.  So now I try, fail, and try again, to respect the beliefs of others, for most of us, they are hard won, precious and defining.  The problem with thinking and studying is that ones beliefs move from being habits of the mind, to something freely chosen, knowing that in the end, could be wrong.  It is the same for us all, for we live in a world that is filled with more questions than answers.  The saying "one step at a time" is very poignant for me as I get older, for I think as we mature, think and yes choose, we get closer and closer to the bone.  It is then when we make our act of faith true and unique in each case.  We each mirror divinity differently, at least in my opinion.

As a Christian the center of my life is Christ, the logos.  For others this will seem foolish and childish; well so what?  My beliefs have deep roots, tested and enduring.  Also personal experiences are at the base of most beliefs, leading down many different roads.  It is not my place to judge, but to seek to understand, and yes, forgive me for using two over used words; to love and not judge.  I cannot even judge myself; for there are times even with all my deep roots, I am not sure what I believe, I just stay on the path I have chosen, even if at times I do it poorly.