Hoping

I often find myself hoping for surety,
some kind of absolute conviction about my faith;
yet it eludes me,
hiding,
seeming to laugh at my foolishness,
my conceit;
as if what I seek is possible.

So I seek to deepen my faith,
study and think,
write my thoughts such as they are,
striving to understand others,
which can lead to a kind of despair,
or despondency.

For knowledge
can lead to the point,
(a resting place of sorts),
where what is not known
grows as understanding deepens.

Inconstancies I am riddled with,
deep faith,
yet also doubt,
asking,
how can it be?

Is my belief to be believed,
is trust there,
can hope be sustained in doubt?

Not all seeking has to be answered,
trust grows, step, by step,
we all walk in a world cloaked
within a vast wonderful mystery,
hidden,
yet there for all to seek in deeper ways,
until time for us to depart.

For me I seek faith,
Christ the light that draws me,
for it is love I desire,
more than what life can offer;
this longing is true,
I trust in its compassing,
it's pull,
so I continue,
I call out,
and gently wait for the beloved.