The process

I often use the saying "trust the process", to get me though some rough times. For there are periods in life were the inner world and the outer world meet, both in a tumble. When this happens there is really no place to rest. Fear, anger and anxiety, can come before ones inner vision, each presenting themselves like bad house guest who have overstayed their welcome. This of course allows the inner artist to paint the outer world in these lurid aspects, even if in fact they don't correspond at all. Sometimes some objectivity can be had, though the fight for it can be hard. At others, well, one can simply drown for a while, sinking into the inner tumult, having to ride the waves of the inner storm, just trying to hang on. I can see why many withdraw during times like this, since communication with others can come to a stand still, until with time, the great healer, allows the maelstrom to level off.

I am always surprised when this kind of inner weather strikes, it seems I never learn. I know that all of our inner states are temporary, we flow from one into the other with regularity, and sometimes, just sometimes, we really hit a rough spot. It is when the rough spots are experienced that I can forget how temporal the experience is, it will pass, they always do, just like everything else. I think Led Zeppelin sums it up well in one of their songs, I think from their first album, which I feel is their best:

"Good times, bad times, I know I have had my share"

Or something like that. Well the above applies to everyone I think. Ups and downs, climbing the mountain and them finding oneself in a deep dark valley, are the lot of most. A sort of roller coaster ride, though periods in between can be extended, yet the wheel will turn either up are down, and them perhaps get stuck for a time.
I think that some forms of depression are experienced in order to stop that kind of wheel turning, though I know that is a shaky theory. Depression is very complex, at times caused by a simple lack of certain chemicals in the brain, so medicines are helpful. Yet what causes the changes? Do the chemicals cause the emotions, are is it the emotions that start the process? A reaction to something either deep within, or an event without; or maybe both at different times, I would think it is all very complex?

As I get older, slowly over the years, I can say that I do really trust the process. I have learned this from many years experience, though I have sustained many wounds, yet they have not killed me, in fact they have slowly taught me to be gentle with myself and others, since I know first hand the inner and outer pressures that bombard us all. These pressures are so common that they are often invisible to those who are not experiencing them at the time. Empathy is needed for that, to the insight, that in reality we are all pretty much the same, though at the same time very unique. It allows us to understand what others are going through because of our own remembrance of times past. I think that is one of the gifs of growing older, if one listens to the lessons of life; that we all need compassion and forgiveness from one another, the fruit of empathy.

The very young seem have it, deep wells of compassion that come from not yet having a true sense of ‘self', so boundaries are weak. This can be touching, but it has to be lost or needs to be, to hopefully be found again on a more mature level. For children as they age, can become very cruel and hurtful towards one another, (I know I was when at that stage). Then as they grow and experience pain, rejection, and other outrageous fortunes so common in all of our lives, it is then and hopefully, this empathy can be found again, at a deeper more mature level. Pain can either open us up to others, or make us bitter, hard and mistrustful, either way, it is a path, each with its lessons to be learned. Exactly what they are, I really can't say, for we are each unique.
Life can seem to be a crap shoot, for some it is, depending on what one comes to believe about what the nature of reality is. Faith, while difficult, and not the escape that some seem to think that it is, is open ended, allowing for a certain kind of trust in life, that can be healing and very life affirming to develop. This comes with the insight that "we really don't know what the hell is going on". Yet trust can still take deep root. For mystery, is something that can be understood on an ever deeper level and I believe that we are all explorers in seeking to understand what can never be fully known. This is our joy and our burden, at least in this life.

Yet it all goes by so fast, dreamlike, nothing to really grasp. It seems we are given everything, then we slowly lose it all, only to gain something better. I think old age, while it can be difficult and filled with suffering, is not the only side of the story. For maturity can come, deep faith, trust, and courage were the ups and downs of life no longer drag us along with it. Many oldsters go through their last years with a compassionate smile on their lips. True some can be bitter, yet that is also part of the journey. The good, bad, and the ugly are part of life, each has its place, each is used in the process, that I have come to trust to be true.

It is a shame our society continues to hide the old and frail, to repress what they can teach us. In stead of honoring them, we as a culture want to hide them. The only older people that are honored, are those who seem to spend their last days trying to look what it is impossible to re-grasp, their youth. Youth has its place, but so does old age, one is not better than the other. They each have their time, each need to be honored. We forget we are pilgrims, nothing can change that. This warehousing of our elderly comes about when the process is not trusted, with very serious consequences for us all.