Stretching

I suppose stretching is an important part of being human.   Stepping over previous boundaries, reaching out, seeking to break away from confining reactions and perceptions about reality, others, and yes especially God.  I have certain attitudes, or perhaps ways of being that cling to me, or is it I who cling to them.  Afraid to let go, to experience whom I would be if I was suddenly freed of these self imposed restraints. Chains, heavy and constraining, life's painful gifts, so freely given so it seems to all without charge, and no waiting, a number is not needed.  Presented to me by the situations on my journey and deepened by my interpretation of them, for good or ill. Something that has to be done, it is what humans do; interrupt and evaluate.  I think they are both a burden and gift, a cause of suffering and also seeds of future freedom, if paid attention to in a prayerful and faith filled manner.

This is not always easy for me.  I so indentify with certain states of limited being, that the thought of those limitation being lessened even a little, can cause a certain anxiety. Yet I also desire to be unencumbered by the inner weight of these inner prison walls, invisible though they may be, yet perhaps more real than one made of concrete. Surrounded by razor wire, with windows barred and doors locked, for some a lifetime home.  So I look out past my own species of wire and barred windows, wanting to be free, yet also seeking solace in the known, even if unsatisfactory.

Growth is slow, at least for me, for I seem to take one step forward, then two or three back, yet I guess progress is being made, slow as it is.  Perhaps that is why I don't mind getting older, for I am beginning to see the fruits of this snail paced movement forward, and also more aware of God's deep, immanent, loving presence, that has never left me in my darkest moments.

We are all a ‘thou' in God's eyes, we are God's 'thou' and the Eternal is ours.   This relationship is often hidden, yet I have slowly come to the realization, or perhaps I am at the beginning of this, that God is closer to us than our own soul. Love, keeping us each in existence, painful though it may be at times, and yes absurd, at least seemingly from the human perspective. Yet we are pilgrims after all.  Something powerful, stronger than death is this love, though I often don't understand many things, or the why, yet this mystery is slowly opening up for me. Perhaps an eternal process, for truly I am still an enfant, perhaps I will always be.  For love makes us all children in the best sense of the word.

It is all grace and mercy, both for me, for all if truth be told. We are commanded not to judge for a reason.  Each person is an icon of God's presence in the world, often hidden yet true none the less, for we are made in God's image.

To think that the ‘other' is not some intellectual concept, or some impersonal force, but actually infinite love can be frightening. For if the power of finite love can be scary, what is one to do with something infinite, not just large and powerful but infinite.  No words can even begin to understand this mystery of mysteries, yet we can dive in eternally, going ever deeper and deeper.  What would it be like to love without fear, to trust without measure, to really believe that?   I don't know yet, but by grace I am slowly moving forward toward that, and I believe, so is everyone else. 

Just because I need boundaries does not mean God does, perhaps that is the most wonderful freeing thing of all, and yes for a time the most fearful.